Dear Delightful Diary

Todays topic is reinventing yourself or in this case myself.

I got to thinking today or yesterday that it would be cool to reinvent myself. That probably sounds weird or new agey. why not be cool with who I am right? But what if I could be better than who I am now? what if with a few changes I could change how I see myself and how other folks see me, for the better of course, although I have thought about what it would be like to be a total fucking asshole. it would be very strange to be one of those people, you know the motherfuckers that just suck but seem to excel and get everything they want, and no one can figure it out. thats weird, ok that was digressing, I dont wanna be an asshat.

What if I could take the shit that I already like about myself and add some stuff here and there and take the stuff that I dont think fits with me and wingo bingo bongo presto there is a shiny new me. that would be cool right? it almost feels like your selling myself out though which is weird because I believe that almost everything about us is learned from our envioronment.

How much of who and what I am is actually something that I conciously said hey this sounds good lets add it to the big red fucking toolbox that is me? I would be willing to wager that the majority of who I be is just shit that was taught to me over the years. stuff I picked up from the family, school, friends, TV, books and movies. I think overall I am a pretty kick ass person but really what if I stopped and looked at me and said hey I dont need that anymore lets put this in instead.

This all sounds weird im sure and probably self centered and assy. but what if we flip it around a bit and look at it from the perspective of the danger bean who just puked all over my chest. when hes looking up at me with his most beautiful baby blue eyes and saying everything is all good daddy I dont care who you are I love you anyway. dont I owe it to the little bastard to be the very bestest me I can find? even if that means changing some things that might seem to be inherently me?

I guess we could look at it from a relationship point of view as well. say you are totally in love with someone and you are all oh i love you sooo much i would do anything for you. and the other person is all I love you so much too but could you just change a wee bit so I can love you more.
well thats a big fucking quandry isnt it. they love YOU but they need you to change who you are so they can continue loving you. I think there is a good chance that if you love said person enough you are willing to make the change they want, even if it hurts and feels a bit like you are destroying what makes you you.

Ok I think I at least convinced myself that making changes is a good thing. but what the fuck do you change? Do I make a big long list of things I like and want to keep and then make the opposite list of things I dont like about me and want to get rid of? Then I have to make another list of things that I wish I had. haha I wish I could fly plus I want xray vision so I can see everyones boobies. I would have to make that third list realistic I suppose but where do I find things I want to add? I could read ghandis biography and pull shit from who he is and add it to me. or I could read hitlers bio and just do the opposite of everything.
ok that is enough for now, I will try those lists and see what I find, it should be fun and enlightening.